In honor of the zany unpredictability of the Super Bowl, the boys hilariously flip their format by asking their future selves questions–from the past! Ironically enough, however, the Super Bowl turns out to be entirely predictable! Hilarious! Listen as Steve and Keith, who admittedly suck at football, foil the so-called edge-of-your-seat suspenseful action of this aesthetically decrepit sport by nearly predicting the exact outcome of this dull and unsurprising game. Does this mean they don’t suck at football?? One thing’s for sure: they don’t suck at jingles. A new classic debuts at the end, and don’t forget football sucks!
We’ve spent over five seasons on this podcast ranting in florid detail about the aesthetic atrocities of football, but how do you communicate these ideas to a football fan? It’s difficult to bridge the gap, and perhaps that difficulty stems from the mixed identity of the NFL, portrayed in its contradictory areas of market outreach: from fitness to fast food, family to violence, primal to science. “This sport is stupid” says Keith, and we couldn’t say it better ourselves, unless we say “suck it, football!”
Skip the dry bar because season six’s opening episode will blow your hair back! Updated format! Flashbacks! New jingles! What’s not to love? This podcast gives America more of what it craves: concrete reasons to turn away from football–as this nation seems to be doing by the hundreds of thousands of viewers per week. And we experiment with brevity, in case you–the listener–are busy and want more pithy assaults on this nation’s great abomination. All the gimmicks and revelations of truth you’ve grown to love…are back! Hook in your ear buds and press play! Suck it football!
It’s the final episode of season five, and we’ve saved some great rants for the end! First, we praise the World Series, which featured a wonderful Game 7 that reminded us why we love baseball. Looking forward, the boys express their utter disbelief and dismay at the crappy, dismantled football game between the Packers and Colts. Two separate penalty calls featured the referee asking the audience to excuse the flag that was thrown! What’s happening!? What’s to be made of the lower ratings for football? There are lots of explanations, but let’s not ignore the obvious! Football sucks!!!
What’s your favorite baseball game of all time? Is it your favorite because some zany or mega-colossal thing happened, or because it kept you tuned-in from start to finish like a good suspense movie? Baseball needs to keep the strike zone officiated by human beings. All sports involve pain, and how great is it that baseball contains it mostly in a small rectangle, whereas, in football, the pain is externalized to players’ necks or fans utter misery. Even if the baseball strike zone were called by a machine, managers would find edges of other rules to argue about, like if a pitch clock were installed. No clocks! Leave them in football, which sucks!!
Our inquiry is going all the way! What do the baseball playoffs even mean? Are we rewarded after a season of balanced, practiced play with this forced, pressured, short-term playoff contest in which the idea of a champion baseball team is stretched and capitalized upon by networks? No! Wanting a World Series winner comes at an immense cost! Football, of course, is a lost cause, unable to back off of their ridiculous force-centric insanity, tumbling towards calamity. You’re hopeless football–might as well suck it!
After the boys sat in some surprise box seats for the NLDS Game 2 between the Nats and Dodgers, their discussion covers several observations about today’s game. How does the in-game experience change in the post-season? What’s aesthetically interesting about a hellacious curve ball that menaced the Nats hitters or a statistical anomaly that sent numerous fly balls to left field? Does a playoff game increase tension to a point where the thoughts a fan brings with him/her to the ballpark take a majority share of one’s attention, affecting the way a game is perceived? One thing was unaffected! Football sucks!
It’s playoff time, but it’s scary to invest so much energy into one game/series. That’s why people (purportedly) watch sports! That must be why football fans learn to find joy in their own personal misery. What’s joy in sports versus mere excitability? When appreciating baseball, seats on field level put the viewer in a position to experience how the invisible contemplations of the players come together in a focused point–a hit–and explode into an entropic moment of uncertain outcome. It’s like the universe is created every time the ball hits the bat! [Trademark S&K Studios] It’s like football sucks!
Only Steve and Keith can cut through the clogged toilet of Sunday football, brunch, errands, driving, and shopping! Despite the upsetitude this confluence of decadence causes, the boys think up suggestions for renaming “football” in case the NFL were forced to rebrand itself into something more indicative of their sport. Also, what’s to be made of the pressure of baseball’s post-season? And who’s up for a rapid-fire dissection of the ridiculousness and unintelligible action in today’s NFL game: Giants vs. Washington? We hope you are, and we hope football is up for sucking it!!!
The S&K lexicon grows by adding a new term: “area of contested meaning.” What the hell is that? Of course it’s a place where aesthetics and sport intersect, and discussion follows in praise of baseball and in denigration of football. That’s why we’re here! The headline guessing game continues as Steve takes a turn “inventing” (i.e. cynically predicting) the storylines to follow this week’s NFL stories. America’s favorite jingle presages an all-out assault on the absurdity of the third-and-long situation in football, why it seems to be the linchpin of the NFL offense, and why football naturally pushes gameplay to zany outcomes–and suckiness!!!