Baseball is so satisfying that we want to go to the ballpark, sit and enjoy. It makes us want to be where we are. Football, on the other hand, with its impoverished aesthetic, keeps fans’ attention by flashing extraneous decoration, or else its fans hop on their phones, get on Twitter, or assemble in bars to skip among 16 games. In other words, it makes fans want to be where they are not. Also, isn’t it great that an aesthetically rich, self-regulated sport like baseball can be sped up just by getting everyone together to say, “hey, let’s speed it up”? Yeah, we thought so. Football sucks!