Charles Pierce becomes the inaugural member of S & K Productions’ list of honorary football ranters. He’s so mad that he thinks that ALL sports are a pageant like the superfluous NFL. However, baseball’s satisfying aesthetic keeps pageantry on the margins. Furthermore, while football is absorbed by its decorous irrelevancies, it simultaneously has its head up its own ass. Does it have no better adjective than “football move”? We conclude: Baseball is meaningful by itself, with no add-ons, but football is self-important, the center of gravity for all things. You suck!