Football has gripped our virile men’s hearts so tightly that, when facing aesthetic criticism of the sport, might say, “football means so much to me personally, how dare you suggest that it ought to mean something beyond me, like society?” Aesthetic criticism breaks into two parts: football is dismantled by distractions: time-outs, commercials, etc.; and, even if it were uninterrupted, its finest parts are a product of failures such as interceptions, fumbles, etc. The abomination is the crowd-field connection in football. The fans are set off from the field with about as much connection to the game as a fan on his couch, so why not stay home? Better yet, don’t watch at all–football sucks!